Mediation, we talk so often. But what is it exactly? Another way to resolve conflicts? Without going through the judge? A amicably?

The definition of family mediation according to the association for the promotion of family mediation (APMF): "Family mediation is a process of conflict management by which family members seek or accept the intervention of confidential and impartial a third person, the family mediator, to help restore communication and find themselves the most appropriate solutions to their situations. "

The official definition of family mediation used by the ministries, other national partners (CNAF and FWCC), the FENAMEF, and adopted by the National Advisory Council of Family Mediation "Family mediation is a process of construction or reconstruction of family ties based on autonomy and accountability of those involved in situations of rupture or separation in which an impartial third party, independent, qualified and without power of decision - the family mediator - helps, through the organization of interviews confidence, communication, management of conflict in the family understood in its diversity and its evolution. "

There are many conflicts within the family:
- Conflicts related to separation and divorce of a couple with children: the conflict before the separation (relevance separation) during the separation (the judge can even ask people in conflict to go to a meeting of mediation information) but also long after, if the court decision, or decisions made by one or the other are not satisfactory.

- All other conflicts where there is breakdown of dialogue


o parent (parent support)
o between parents and children (teenagers / parents about the support of a young adult ...)
o between parents and grandparents if the grandparents can not see their (s) small (s) child (ren)
o Between brother (s) and sister (s) when placing an elderly person is considered to conflict over an inheritance
o and surely many more conflicts ...


As a website visitor Parent-Solo.fr, you may be faced with disputes that may also be treated as family mediation


o Non-payment of alimony or child support reassessment
o the exercise of co-parenting
o right to visit the other parent


But also the choice of divorce (divorce by mutual consent or litigation) residence of the children after separation, recognition of a child by her father, choosing the name .... Etc.

-The first reason is time: the judiciary is overwhelmed, a court takes a long time: it may take many months between the filing of the petition and trial. In mediation, people make contact, the appointment is taken a few days later ... and the agreements are taken very quickly, sometimes the first session. These agreements can be tested and challenged during the sessions.

-Cost: legal proceedings can be very costly financially, (lawyers) and psychologically costly: a lawsuit against a former spouse for a problem child custody, child support creates a lot of stress!
There will be a winner and a loser: for children is one of their parent against another who wins who loses? For the child it's also a lot of stress, it is in conflict of loyalties between his parents ... not easy!
In mediation, two winners who complete mediation ... and even three, children! One can imagine that a child is more satisfying to have both parents agree on major points concerning his life!

-The result: justice will make a decision: Will it take full account of the needs of parents. This is a decision imposed. Mediation is just the opposite, it is the parents who will build their solution, tailored in a way.

-The listening: the parents will spend a few tens of minutes before the judge ... we are going to mediation couples receive several times between one and two hours. It is a place where emotions can be heard, taken into account. Family mediation can be a place where the decision of separation can be worked: tell a spouse who does not want to hear the decision, to mourn the couple, go ahead with all its tensions after building this post at your own pace .... All this is not possible within the framework of the judicial process.
But mediation is not against justice, or an alternative to Justice: The two can be combined. On the other hand, there are situations where mediation is difficult if not impossible: in the case of domestic violence (physical or moral).

Often we are contacted by couples with young children (under 4). These young parents were not married. For them the mediation is a way to be able to black and white the agreements they may have taken orally, silently, they come out of mediation with a written agreement signed by both of them, with the possibility to present it to the judge.
This agreement can come and rework in mediation if there is a change in lifestyle (especially arrival of a new partner for one of them, moving ...)

If I am interested to come to mediation, I do not see how the other parent of my children will agree to come?

It is most often the case: one is leaving, but he does not know how to motivate the other parent. In this case, the parent must volunteer for mediation, the mediator come and see. In most cases individual information session is free in many places (town halls, house of law, social centers ...) They will think together about how to bring the other. What will motivate the other parent to come to mediation? May suggest that family mediation to the other parent?
The other parent also has the opportunity to come to an information meeting. The important thing to understand is that the mediator does not take part: it will not tell applicants what to do or not do.

The mediator is a professional who has received specific training in family mediation. Third is neutral and impartial. It will not take sides in the conflict. He will not say who is right and who is wrong. It's not his role.
The space of mediation is confidential. The family mediator has no right to testify in court.

Its role is to help parents or those in conflict to restore dialogue so they can reach agreements acceptable to them and for children. The needs of each party will be worked. The family mediator will help people in conflict to find by themselves a solution to their conflict. The mediator will not find a solution, but assist the parties to "birth" of a solution that will be their own. In family matters, each solution is unique as each family is unique!

When both parties agree, the mediator will set an appointment with the two sets. They will define the modalities of intervention of the mediator: the points they want to discuss, frequency of sessions ... the mediator will provide the rules of mediation and will be there to enforce them (respect for parents vis-a à-vis the other, no verbal abuse ...).
A mediation session between 1:30 and lasts 2 hours. through a separation or divorce if all points are addressed it may take 3 to 6 sessions.
The cost of mediation is based on income applicants (mediation is funded by the Family Allowances Fund, the social services, town halls, the Regional Council ....)
The issues discussed will be the balance marriage, parental responsibility, accountability, division of property.

From the discussions, the mediator notes the points of agreement between parents on the flip of the mediation room. Agreements on the residence of the children, educational choices (choice of school, extracurricular activities, doctors of religion ...) agreements on the financial choices and the distribution between the parents (support) ... all these agreements will be included in a text: the Memorandum of Understanding. This protocol is written by the mediator for the most part and it is signed by both parents. This protocol is the property of both parents. They do what they want. It is an agreement between them and rest them: it is a private agreement.
Either they want to give it legal force, and then they can have it certified by the judge, and there is both ordered.

The mediator will inform the parents came to mediation, the mediation is completed or stopped ... The mediator will not have that much contact with the law. It is always the parts that bring the protocol to the judge.

To contact a mediator can contact:
- National Union of Mediators, 
- Association for Family Mediation (APMF)
- The fenamef.
- You can always check with the District Court to determine where the family mediation service nearest you.



In conclusion, let us remember that mediation is an opportunity for former spouses to rebuild their relationship as co-parents. This is a place that can accommodate the suffering of parents, say before the other spouse. It allows you to move from a situation of victims of conflict to that of builder of the future of the relationship. This is not an easy path, to meet her ex for which so many of resentment is not easy, but it will always be a chance for the children.
It is important to remember that family mediation is a tool that can be used in many other family disputes.